The skills needed for healthy, sustainable relationships are often not taught or neglected. We believe that the foundation of such skills and awareness is a deep understanding and mastery of emotional intelligence (EQ). Having EQ allows individuals to be aware of and in control of their emotional well-being. EQ also increases the capacity for empathy and validation, which can allow people to feel more supported and understood.

We also believe such skills can be learned, developed, and improved upon. Through reading the suggested books, one should be able to gain insight into how their emotions and feelings can affect both themselves and their partners. These books can teach us how to acknowledge repetitive patterns and the role that they play in either fostering or hindering a successful relationship.

We created this list with the goal of improving EQ, which should result in better interpersonal relationships. Each book builds upon the next to facilitate learning and practice. The goal is to understand how previous experiences may affect our ability to show up for others. Another important goal is to develop essential skills and healthy behaviors so we can have a secure framework for long-lasting partnerships.

A) Emotional Intelligence and Regulation (Foundational Principles)

• Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

• Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett

B) Identifying Possible Trauma and Healing (Prerequisite for Healthy, Loving Relationships)

• It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn

• Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

C) Introductory Relationship Concepts

• The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

• Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller

D) Core Relationship Science and Research Modalities (Must Reads)

• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver

• Eight Dates by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams

• Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson

• Love Sense by Sue Johnson

E) Essential Interpersonal Communication Skills

• You’re Not Listening by Kate Murphy

• Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg

• I Hear You by Michael S. Sorensen

F) Ancillary and Supportive Concepts

• Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt

• Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin

• The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller

• You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For by Richard C. Schwartz

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

• Daring Greatly by Brené Brown

• The Good Life by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz

Picture Version of Book Recommendations: Goodreads List

Full List of Book Recommendations: PDF Link